How City Life Has Changed My Extroverted Tendencies

I love people. I always have. My nickname in elementary school was Hug-a-bunch. Yeah.

For me, the more people I’m around the better (within reason…huge, massive crowds like those found in Times Square on NYE freak me out), but in general give me people and I’m a happy camper.

I enjoy doing workout videos in the comfort of my own home (Jessica Smith is a fave), but give me a jam-packed Zumba class full of other women rockin’ out and just trying not to catch a glimpse of our own reflection in the mirror, and I’m in seventh heaven. I love it!

However, after living in a large, urban city for just over a year now, I’ve noticed my extroverted tendencies are changing. And, just so we are on the same page, when I talk about an extrovert, I don’t mean someone who likes to talk to anyone and everyone, super outgoing. While I can be that way (just ask my introverted husband), I’m equally happy to just be in a group of people and observe and listen. So, I’m operating from the definition that an extrovert is someone who draws energy from being around people; and conversely when required to spend extended amounts of time alone, find themselves feeling drained of energy.

So, like I said, the longer I live in the city and use public transport and am around people all.the.time., I’m finding that my extroverted needs and tendencies are changing.

1. I now prefer smaller, more intimate groups where I feel known, rather than just any gaggle of humans. One of my favorite ways to relax and spend a “me day” was to go to the mall and walk around. I used to love going to the mall at Christmas time. The crowds very rarely bothered me, because it gave me prime people-watching opportunities, and I would feed off of their energy. I would come home feeling refreshed, energized and excited.

These days, I find trips to the mall or window shopping on the local shop street draining and stressful rather than energizing. I’m sure is has something to do with the fact that it’s all in another language and I can never fully “shut down” mentally and just enjoy the experience. But now, give me three or four good friends with whom I feel safe, some coffee and a sweet or two and time to just hang out, talk, laugh, whatever.

2. I need more down time between large social gatherings. I used to be able to go from church, out to eat, to the mall, to an evening hangout and thrive on the energy I got. Now, after church, a school play or a day at the mall, I need time alone in the quiet to recover. This is totally new for me, and it took me awhile to recognize and respect that need. Now, I’m careful not to overextend myself socially – something I never thought I’d have to worry about. Small gatherings with close friends still energize me, and actually help strengthen me for the “bigger” social experiences. For that, I am so extremely grateful. It makes my Tuesday morning coffee and prayer times with my friends here that much more special and meaningful.

3. I need more true alone and quiet time than ever before. I’m finding I need to be very diligent about building in time where I’m truly alone and in the quiet – no music, no media. This is a struggle for me. For one, I have 3 kids and we live in an apartment. I’m trying to get up earlier to get a few minutes of quiet to pray, and energize my soul before the craziness of the day. However, I”m also not a morning person. Like, at all. So this is proving to be a challenge; but I’m learning just how beneficial it is for me and how in the long run it bolsters my energy level even more than an extra half hour of sleep does. Did I just write that? Who am I? Also, did I mention I’m struggling with this one?? Right now, I’m in the “knowing is half the battle” phase. 🙂

4. Self-care is proving  more important than ever. I suppose this goes hand in hand with number 3, but it’s a bit different. I’m learning I need to make time to make my own health a priority. I need to plan – and stick to – times to exercise. If I go more than a couple of days without it, my stress level rises and my ability to handle the noise and chaos being around people nearly 24/7 brings plummets. So, I’m working at making time 5-6 days a week for  exercise, and to make the time and energy to prepare healthy, real food for me and my family. Simple, but healthy. Because energy is a scarce commodity for me these days, and spending all day preparing every last thing from scratch leaves me grumpy and bitter, and completely defeats the purpose for which I would be doing it. This is another work-in-progress for me, but the more I work at it, the better I feel…and the happier my family is, I’m sure.

I’m still an extrovert at the core. If I spend too much time alone I start to go crazy and feel like a lead blanket has been laid upon me. But in this phase of our lives, I’m learning that extrovert is a trait with many facets, and I’m enjoying learning more about myself and how I fit into those facets.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? How does your current lifestyle affect how those tendencies come out? Have those things changed over the years along with your living situation?